From Foster Care to Medicine

Tag: mental-health

  • When Life Falls Apart: Don’t Just Be Strong, Be Strategic

    Let’s be real—rough times are unavoidable. Whether it’s burnout, financial struggle, grief, or just life coming at you sideways, at some point, you’re going to get hit. Hard.

    And when that happens, the world loves to throw out one word: resilience.

    Be strong. Stay tough. Keep going.
    But here’s the truth—resilience without a strategy will leave you stuck.

    It’s not enough to just “push through” when you have no direction. Because when things fall apart, even the strongest can break if they’re not equipped.

    That’s why I’ve come to believe in strategy over strength. You don’t need to wait until you’re in survival mode to start thinking about how you’ll survive.

    Before the Storm Hits: Set the Groundwork

    Hard times don’t always come with a warning. That’s why you build while it’s sunny. You need buffers and anchors:

    • Routines that still work when your motivation doesn’t.
    • Emergency funds, even if it’s $50 stashed away.
    • One or two people you can text when you’re not okay.
    • Self-awareness to know when you’re spiraling, not just “tired.”
    • Boundaries with environments that consistently drain you—this might mean reevaluating your job, your schedule, or how much you say “yes” when you’re already stretched thin.

    For those of us without strong support systems growing up, counseling has often been the first place we learn to speak openly. I’ve found it crucial—not just for venting, but for understanding patterns. When I was finally able to talk through my struggles and then go home and journal honestly about my results, I could actually see what behaviors were helping—or hurting—my progress. That kind of self-reflection became my anchor.

    Preparation isn’t pessimism. It’s self-protection.

    Once You’re In It: Don’t Just Cope—Strategize

    Sometimes the storm still hits harder than expected. You’re already in the thick of it. This is where the real strategy kicks in—not just surviving, but finding ways to keep yourself from sinking further.

    Tactical Moves When You’re Struggling

    Here’s what that strategy might look like in real life:

    🧠 Lean on People
    Talk to someone—friends, family, a partner, church, a support group. Even a 5-minute check-in can stop you from mentally spiraling. Don’t isolate yourself trying to “handle it.”

    There was a time in med school where I truly thought it was over. I couldn’t move forward, and all that work—years of sacrifice—felt like it had collapsed. I had no one. But one faculty member believed in me, stepped in, and gave me a shot. Without their help, I wouldn’t be graduating with an MD next year. One person can change everything.

    🍽️ Nourish Your Brain
    Low magnesium and vitamin D can quietly wreck your mood. A simple supplement routine, or just making sure you eat something real (not just vending machine food), matters more than we admit. Creatine has also been shown to help with mood—especially when paired with exercise.

    🛌 Sleep Like It’s Your Job
    Poor sleep mimics depression. Set a wind-down routine, cut screen time, use melatonin, block out light—whatever you need to protect your rest. Even a nap can change your whole day.

    🏃‍♂️ Move Your Body
    Walk, stretch, lift, dance. Movement is medicine. You’re not doing this to “look good.” You’re doing it to get out of your head. Bonus points if you get some sun on your skin.

    🧘‍♀️ Get Professional Help
    Therapy is strategy. So are SSRIs if you need them. Sometimes the best move is admitting you need help managing the storm chemically, especially if it’s hormonal or trauma-based.

    🎧 Use Music and Art
    Music can shift you faster than almost anything. So can drawing, painting, writing, or anything creative. You don’t have to be good at it. You just have to be honest through it.

    Personally, as an INFP, I’ve always been inclined to feel things deeply. Artists like Daniel Caesar speak directly to that part of me. I’ve found that letting myself fully experience the emotion—love, anger, sadness—and working through it helps. Playing it on piano takes it even further. Sometimes rough times are deeply emotional, and that’s okay. Don’t rush yourself out of feeling.

    📓 Journaling = Survival Tool
    Use it to reflect. Track your thoughts. Set goals. And most importantly: write down your why.
    When you’re procrastinating something important, it’s usually because the reason you started is buried under stress. Write down why it matters to you. Then break it into something small: “Send the email.” “Open the doc.” “Write for 10 minutes.” That’s progress.

    🌍 Get Around People
    You don’t need deep conversation. Just presence. Go to a coffee shop. Volunteer. Sit in the park. The nervous system picks up regulation from being around people.

    📴 Control the Inputs
    Limit doomscrolling. Mute people who drain you. Turn off unnecessary notifications. Protect your mental bandwidth like it’s a bank account.

    🕯️ Faith, Stillness, or Something Bigger
    It doesn’t have to be religious. Just something that reminds you this moment isn’t all there is. Pray, meditate, take a slow walk—whatever helps you zoom out.

    🤝 Help Someone Else
    Sometimes the fastest way to get out of your own head is to help someone else in theirs. Acts of service, big or small, restore a sense of purpose.

    🧰 Make an Emotional First-Aid Kit
    When things go dark, have your go-to list:

    • One friend to call
    • One playlist to listen to
    • One quote or voice note that grounds you

    The Mindset Shift: Optimism and Gratitude (Even Now)

    This is where people roll their eyes. Because when your world is on fire, the last thing you want is someone telling you to “stay positive.”

    But optimism isn’t fake smiling or pretending it doesn’t hurt. It’s the discipline of believing things can get better. That there’s still good coming. That this pain isn’t the end of your story.

    Start small:

    • A meal that tasted good
    • A song that hit right
    • A stranger’s kindness

    You’re not ignoring your pain—you’re refusing to drown in it.

    Gratitude isn’t denial. It’s rebellion.
    A refusal to let darkness take over every part of your world.

    Final Thought

    You can’t avoid hard times. But you can prepare. You can respond. You can rebuild.

    And if you’re in it right now—keep going. Don’t just try to be strong. Be strategic.

    Because strategy is how you keep standing—even when everything around you falls apart.

  • 10 Ways to Build Community

    10 Ways to Build Community

    When you don’t grow up with a strong support system—whether from foster care, family struggles, or just doing life solo. It’s easy to feel like everyone else has their circle, and you’re just orbiting outside it.

    That feeling can follow you into adulthood. I’ve felt it. Still do sometimes. But I’ve been learning that community isn’t a switch you flip—it’s something you build slowly, in layers, and on your own terms.

    You don’t need to make a million friends. You don’t need to force connections that don’t feel right. What you need is a few go-to spaces and consistent efforts, rooted in what feels like you.

    Here are 10 ways I’ve been building community in Miami—and how you can start, even if you feel like you’re starting from scratch:

    1. Volunteering

    Whether it’s a beach cleanup, food pantry, or local mutual aid, volunteering helps you meet people while doing something that matters. You don’t need to be outgoing. Just showing up is enough.

    2. Run Clubs and Pickup Sports

    I ran track and loved basketball in high school, so I always find ways to stay active in those activities. It’s easier to bond with people when you’re sharing a common goal—whether it’s a workout or a win.

    3. Free Events

    Markets, art walks, or local festivals let you ease into the social scene. You don’t have to talk to everyone. Just being out, soaking up the energy, can shift how you feel about where you live.

    4. Apps Like Meetup or Bumble BFF

    These can help you find niche groups and casual hangouts. They’re not always perfect, but they give you options and help you practice putting yourself out there.

    5. Go Solo Anyway

    Don’t wait for someone to come with you. Go to the pop-up, the poetry night, the community class. The more you show up for yourself, the easier it gets. And you never know who you’ll meet.

    6. Coffee Shops or Regular Spots

    Find a place where you feel comfortable. For me, it’s one specific café where I plan my week. Over time, I’ve started recognizing faces. Even a little familiarity goes a long way.

    7. Take a Class for Fun

    Whether it’s pottery, boxing, or a dance class, you’ll meet people in a relaxed setting where the focus isn’t on networking. It’s on learning, and that naturally leads to conversation.

    8. Nightlife (If That’s Your Thing)

    Not everyone’s scene, but it’s worth mentioning. If you go out with the right people and boundaries, bars and clubs can be a space to unwind and meet new folks—especially in a city like Miami.

    9. Host Something Small

    You don’t need a crowd. A taco night or game night with two people is enough to start building something real. These small get-togethers can turn into something meaningful.

    10. Try a Church or Faith-Based Group

    Whether you’re figuring it out or you’re further along in your faith, church can offer structure, connection, and support. Many have small groups or events where you can meet people and feel part of something steady.

    Final Thought
    Building community takes time. You don’t have to force it or rush it. A few consistent spaces, a couple of people you vibe with—that’s more than enough.
    And sometimes, the slowest connections are the most lasting ones.

  • Who Am I Without a Map? Morals, Identity, and Growing Up Without a Guide

    Who Am I Without a Map? Morals, Identity, and Growing Up Without a Guide

    I spent a lot of time as a kid wondering who I was.

    When you grow up in the foster care system, identity doesn’t come with a family crest or neatly passed-down traditions. Instead, it’s a question you carry everywhere. I used to wonder about my real family—were they rich or poor? Were they smart? Where did I come from, and what did that say about me?

    I had light brown hair and freckles that confused people. I spoke in a way other Black kids said sounded “white.” And depending on which home I was placed in, my religion would change—I vividly remember one year practicing Judaism, Jehovah’s Witness, and Christianity all in the same twelve months. You learn to adapt. You learn to survive. But in the process, you also learn to question your identity at every turn.

    Morals or Survival?

    Looking back, I wonder if my early “morals” were really just survival instincts. I had a strong aversion to lying or stealing—not because anyone sat me down and taught me that, but because I desperately wanted to be seen as someone who belonged in society. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be accepted.

    That said, those values stuck. Even when being honest made me look bad, I told the truth. I hated violence and, at one point in my life, I even committed to pacifism. Maybe they started as survival tactics, but they became part of who I am.

    Hyper-Adaptability and a Fragile Sense of Self

    When your identity is fragile—when you don’t know where you fit—you start to hide yourself. Or sometimes, you become hyper-individualized just to stand out, to prove you’re not invisible. I think that carried with me well into adulthood. I became good at code-switching, at mirroring others, trying to survive in rooms where I didn’t feel like I belonged. But the downside is it can seriously mess with your sense of self.

    You can start to wonder: who am I really, when I’m not adapting to survive?

    Learning to Choose Myself

    Adulthood became the turning point. For me, building a real sense of identity started with asking:
    What kind of person do I want to be when this life is over? What experiences do I want? Who do I want to have been?

    That’s when I started taking control. I began connecting with communities that gave me a sense of meaning—whether it was people I met at the basketball court or others in the medical field. Pursuing medicine sharpened my focus on ethics, professionalism, and work ethic. I wanted to be someone people trust. I wanted to contribute. And I wanted to learn how to connect with people who were nothing like me.

    I also started saying something I never had the courage to say before:
    “This is who I am.”
    Because I realized that growth wouldn’t come unless I accepted myself first.

    I Still Struggle Sometimes

    Even now, I struggle with self-worth. I look around at classmates who seem to know exactly how to navigate competitive fields like surgery. They move with certainty and confidence I didn’t grow up seeing. But I remind myself: I’m not here to copy anyone’s path. I’m here to build mine—based on the values I’ve earned through living.

    And when you’re trying to enter a field like medicine—where stability, confidence, and polish are almost assumed—it can feel like you’re playing catch-up in every direction. I didn’t grow up learning how to network, how to ask for help, or how to even picture myself in these spaces. The grit is there, but sometimes the polish takes longer to develop. That gap, if unspoken, can quietly shape who makes it and who doesn’t.

    You Don’t Need a Map to Move Forward

    If you’re reading this and you’ve also grown up without stability—whether in foster care, trauma, or any other form of instability—I hope you know this:

    You are not broken.

    You haven’t been handed a blueprint, but that doesn’t mean you can’t draw your own. You can choose your values. You can become someone you’re proud of. For me, basketball helped. Medicine helped. So did a few faculty mentors who saw something in me. It all helped—but only once I decided to stop running from my story and start building with it.

    Final Thoughts

    I’ve moved homes 18 times. I’ve been praised in failing schools and humbled in elite ones. I’ve been an outsider in almost every room I’ve walked into. But I’ve also built something I never had growing up: a sense of who I am.

    And I’m still building.

    You don’t need a map to get where you’re going. You just need the courage to keep moving, and the honesty to make sure it’s really you walking the path.

  • The Foster Kid in the White Coat

    The Foster Kid in the White Coat

    I’m not a doctor yet. But I’ve gotten farther than I was supposed to.

    I didn’t grow up around medicine — not in my home, not in my neighborhood, not in the system I came up through.

    I grew up in Florida’s foster care system and started this journey with more questions than answers, and fewer resources than most. What I did have — and still have — is grit.

    Medicine hasn’t always gone my way. I’ve had a few missteps. Moments that made me question if I could keep up, if I belonged, or if this was even possible.

    But the way I see it, perseverance is part of the training.

    I’m currently on a research year — learning, growing, and building. I started this blog to document the path as I walk it, not from the finish line.

    If you’re coming from a place where you weren’t expected to succeed — and you’re trying anyway — I hope this space reminds you that you’re not alone.